Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
