Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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