Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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