Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
