Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My life is pants optional.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
