Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Farmville is her only friend.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
