Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
