I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
being pregnant is like rehab
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
