omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
