im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am one with the molecules
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
