At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
