Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
