ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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