Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
