Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
