So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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