He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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