He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
