Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
