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Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
