its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
