Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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