Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
