Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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