I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We had sex on a dog bed..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
