is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
