pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
