Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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