She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
