Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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