wat bout pragnant strippers??
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
