Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
