Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
