I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
