i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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