So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
