Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
