Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
