honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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