I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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