She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
