i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
