You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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