Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
