foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
