Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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