i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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