I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
