Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
