You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
